Sea Fever: a Talk Like a Pirate Day Story
by Daedaleopsis
Summary: Penny and Sheldon face their feelings for each other amidst blue parrots, mini golf and a wayward rowboat.


Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory and its characters are the intellectual property of CBS, Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady. They don't belong to me, as you can tell, because if they did, you could the show would be renamed "1001 Shenny Tales". Okay, that's fairly awful... let's call that my working title.

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Penny propped her feet up on the coffee table with a weary sigh. She drained half of her glass of wine in one swallow and then picked up the remote. She was pathetically grateful that she was done with work for the day. She'd had to work a lunch shift, which she always hated, as it was full of leering businessmen who seemed to think she should be happy with a ten percent tip. Also, a new busboy had spilled a mug full of coffee all over her uniform, which meant that she would have to do laundry before her next shift tomorrow evening. Reaching for her wine glass, she was surprised to see that it was empty already. She was sitting there debating whether she really wanted to get up to get a refill when a familiar sound filled the air.

_Knock-knock-knock_. "Penny." _Knock-knock-knock_. "Penny." _Knock-knock-knock_. "Penny."

She groaned. Now she had to get up, as she knew Sheldon would just keep knocking until she answered the door. She still took the time to refill her glass before she opened the door.

"What up, Moon Pie," she began, but stammered to a halt as she took in the sight of her tall neighbor in an extraordinary costume. The first thing she noticed was the laced-up shirt. How could she not when Sheldon's bare chest was practically at eye level? She quickly dragged her mind away from Sheldon's chest and looked up. He was wearing an eye patch, a false goatee and a tricorn hat. A thigh-length brown coat that looked like it was leather drew her gaze down to a pair of flat-fronted black pants that fit like a second skin. Penny felt her cheeks grow warm at that particular sight. A leather baldric crossed his chest and held a sword and dagger at his hip. The outfit was completed by black leather boots with a wide folded-over cuff.

"Why are you dressed like a pirate?" she asked as she took another sip of her wine.

"Ahoy, matey. It's National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrr!" Sheldon said gleefully. "Didn't you get my memo?"

"Oh, um, yeah. I think I just kinda ignored it though," she said.

"Well, I heard you come up the steps at the last bell, so I decided to come over and hail you," Sheldon said, putting a hand on the hilt of his sword.

"I don't know what that means, but was there something you wanted?" Penny asked.

"Aye, I came to remind you of my Talk Like a Pirate Day festivities," he said, looking more excited than she had seen him in quite a while.

Penny winced a little. A few weeks ago, Amy declared that she preferred girls and dumped Sheldon. He was probably the only one who hadn't seen it coming. While Penny was happy for Amy and relieved that her friend was trying to meet other girls (who, unlike Penny, might not mind if she kissed them), she felt bad for Sheldon. Apparently, he had no idea Amy had been using him as a beard. It was difficult to tell if Sheldon had developed any romantic feelings for Amy, but he did miss having someone with which to play Counterfactuals. Of course, Sheldon would never admit to being lonely or missing someone.

"What about the guys? Aren't they doing pirate day with you?" Penny probed.

Sheldon's shoulders drooped. "No. Leonard is away for the weekend with Priya, and Howard and Bernadette are out on a double date with Raj and a friend of Bernie's."

"So I'm all you've got?" Penny asked sympathetically.

He nodded. Feeling like a complete jerk, Penny decided to do what she could to cheer Sheldon up. Besides, she knew how much he loved authenticity, so she thought she could maneuver this silliness to her benefit.

"All right, I'm in. What's on the agenda?" she asked.

He brightened. "I have a variety of pirate movies for your viewing pleasure."

"Any rum?" she drawled, her real objective in agreeing to this whole deal.

"Absolutely not," he retorted.

"But why is the rum gone?" she quoted with a straight face.

"Ah, yes, _Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl_. It's my favorite of the franchise," said Sheldon.

Penny grinned at his enthusiasm. "Look, sweetie, I have a better idea. How about we go out and find some rum and then we can be like _real_ pirates?" Penny asked. She didn't care if he had any, but she definitely felt like she needed some more alcohol in order to get through a themed evening.

"I suppose you do have a point," he conceded. "Very well. Go put on your costume and then we will purchase some grog."

"Costume?" Penny echoed, already wondering if she would regret this. "I don't have-"

Sheldon tapped his foot impatiently. "You own a white blouse which is meant to be worn off the shoulders. Put that on, along with your tall black lace-up boots. I will loan you my vest and an extra cutlass and sword belt that I have. Tie a colorful scarf over your hair, and add a few pieces of gaudy gold-colored jewelry, and you will make a fine pirate wench."

Penny gaped at him. "How do you know I have all that?"

He scoffed. "Please. I have an eidetic memory. Now avast! That means hurry up. We're wasting time."

Ten minutes later, Penny was dressed in the blouse, boots and a black mini skirt. Her hair hung down in two low ponytails, sticking out under a blue-patterned scarf which covered her head. When she walked into Sheldon's apartment, he handed her the belt and sword.

"Now all you need is a vest," he said, removing his leather coat.

Penny's eyebrows rose. She hadn't expected that he would give her _his _vest. It was cobalt blue with gold trim, and it actually didn't match the rest of his costume very well. As he pulled off the vest, Penny gasped as she could see the rest of his pirate shirt. It was dark red in color, the color of blood, and it draped over Sheldon's frame in a way that Penny could only call sexy. The perfectly tailored sleeves were full, gathering in at a wide cuff for the wrists. Penny walked around Sheldon, not caring if she was drooling a little. She couldn't help but brush her hands across the breadth of his shoulders.

"This shirt is... amazing," she said, after searching for a word that wouldn't reveal her thoughts.

"Thank you," he replied proudly.

"Let me guess, you made it yourself," Penny said.

"Yes, although I don't own leather-working tools. I had to special order the leather pieces of my costume," Sheldon commented sadly.

Penny shook her head. "You look like the real deal," she said, handing him his hat. He clapped it on his head and she helped him into his coat. (Yeah, okay, so that wasn't really necessary, but this whole ensemble was just working for her.)

They got into Penny's car and pulled out onto one of the main thoroughfares. She was just heading for her favorite liquor store when Sheldon spoke up.

"Have you ever been to a National Talk Like a Pirate Day event? I've just located one online which is only a few miles from here."

She stopped at a red light and looked over at him. "I thought you already made all those plans, sweetie."

He sighed. "That's true, but most of the activities I had planned require more than two people. Since this evening's festivities were already going to be a departure from the norm, it makes little difference to me if we discard our former plans for something better."

Penny looked over at him. Despite the indifference in his words, she got the feeling that he was feeling a little down that he had been ditched by all his friends after he'd worked so hard on his pirate themed party.

"Sounds great," she said, pasting a smile on her face. "Just give me directions."

Twenty minutes later, they found the place, and Penny laughed with delight. She looked over at Sheldon, who was actually grinning excitedly.

"Okay, I'll say it. This is wicked cool," she laughed. She grabbed Sheldon's hand and pulled him toward the black-sailed pirate ship floating in the lagoon in front of them. It was the main feature in a small pirate-themed amusement park. They looked around, spying games, a few rides, and a miniature golf course. Best of all, Penny thought, there were colorful drinks with umbrellas everywhere. Most of the people were dressed in costume.

"Look, Penny, mini-golf!" Sheldon cried eagerly, pulling her toward the putting green.

"Nuh-uh. Rum first, golf later," Penny said, pulling him toward the adults-only section. Sheldon paid for their wristbands, which gave them access to the 21-and-older part of the theme park as well as an unlimited supply of their choice of two drinks called a Blue Parrot and a Caribbean Sunset. They made their way past a dance floor painted to look like an enormous ship's wheel. At the bar, Penny ordered a Caribbean Sunset while Sheldon decided to try a Blue Parrot.

"This is good!" he enthused, his eyes already starting to look a little glassy after just a few sips.

"Hey, slow down there, sailor. We all know what happens when you drink too much. They'll throw us out for sure if you start taking your pants off again," Penny warned.

"C'mon, Penny, let's go play golf," Sheldon pleaded, completely ignoring her advice, which he thought was well-intentioned but unnecessary. Penny grabbed another drink before following Dr. Whackadoodle with a roll of her eyes. _He's just like a big kid_, she thought in fond exasperation.

However goofy Penny thought it seemed to be playing miniature golf, she was soon having a good time, helped along by a few more of those colorful drinks. Hey, she had to do something to entertain herself while Sheldon was taking his time trying to calculate the precise angle needed to be under par. Penny motioned quite a few groups to play through, and tried to ignore the hostile glares. That was one good thing about Sheldon, she thought, at least he was a happy drunk. He pouted as his impaired reflexes caused him to once again miss his shot. Well, mostly happy, she amended. The game that should have taken about an hour stretched out to nearly two hours, and the golf course was nearly deserted by the time they were done.

After that, Penny dragged Sheldon back to the nightclub area. For her, the night was still young, and she felt like dancing. Sheldon retreated to a table in a dimly lit corner with another Blue Parrot. Penny had eyed his second drink askance, but then decided it might make it easier to get him into the taxi she was sure they would need to take home. After a few minutes on the dance floor, she got tired of all the facial hair. Glancing over at Sheldon, she was taken aback to see he was being chatted up by two women in pirate garb. At first, she found it amusing, right up until she saw the shorter woman with miles of exposed bosom run a hand down Sheldon's chest. He jumped up, spilling the rest of his drink, as the stocky woman pressed her advantage and backed him into a corner while her friend tipsily cheered her on. Penny shoved her way through the crowd, seething. By the time she reached the corner, she found the cutlass in her hand, and she poked the buxom woman in the shoulder with its blunted point.

"Back off, _wench_, he's with me," she snarled.

"We're just talking, weren't we, me hearty?" the shorter woman cooed, laying a hand on Sheldon's arm.

Penny slapped the woman's hand with the flat of her sword. It may have been blunted, but it was still metal, and she bet it stung like hell. "Remove that hand or I'll remove it for you," she said in a steely tone.

With a surly look, the woman and her friend moved off, muttering imprecations and looking for likely prey.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I guess this isn't really your type of place. How 'bout we go play another round of mini golf?" Penny said by way of apology. Sheldon nodded, still looking rather shocked, and followed her out of the bar. But when they got outside, they found that the game area was closed up.

"I guess we'll have to go home," Penny started to say, but Sheldon had a different idea. He clutched at Penny's arm. "Time for Cap'n Cooper to take a turn at th' helm," he grinned, listing slightly as he made his way down toward the replica ship in the lagoon. Penny trailed after him, wondering what on earth he was up to. It was dark, and for a moment, she couldn't see where he had gone. By the time she tracked him down by the faint splashing noises, she found him sitting in a blue plastic rowboat, about to push off from the bank. With a leap, she managed to hop in before the boat drifted too far from shore.

"Sheldon, what are we doing?" she asked, giggling. "Are we stealing a boat?"

"Yes, but not this boat; _that_ one," he smirked, pointing up at the ship.

"Now this is what I call pirate day! Let's go steal us a pirate ship and leave those landlubbers far behind!" Penny cried, getting caught up in his infectious mood.

"The world is our oyster!" Sheldon cried, trying to salute her with the oar. By now, the rowboat had bumped up against the side of the wooden ship, and Penny took one of the oars to help navigate around until they found a column of slats nailed into the side of the ship. Sheldon boosted Penny up first. She turned around with a gasp. "Sheldon, did you just grope my ass?" she snickered.

He leered at her and pretended to twirl his goatee. "All part of the pirate life, me beauty."

Penny laughed some more and tumbled onto the deck. Sheldon was right behind her, and he pulled her to her feet before dragging her toward the helm. He stood in front of the wheel, with his legs braced. "Trim the sails! Full speed ahead!" he cried, swaying at the helm. Penny couldn't tell anymore how much of his act was due to the Blue Parrots he'd drunk and how much was just roleplaying.

"My turn!" she begged, tugging on his upper arm. He swayed toward her for a moment before stepping aside to give her access to the wheel. As she gripped the wooden handles, she felt him step in close behind her.

"All I need is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by," he murmured in her ear. Penny turned in surprise to see him looking down at her with an intense heavy-lidded look. He leaned down toward her, and Penny panicked. She ducked under his arm.

"Time to go home, Sheldon," she snapped. He called her name, but she ignored him, striding over to the ladder. Her heart was pounding and her mind was in a whirl, and more than anything, she just wanted to get out of there. Sheldon didn't do romance or sex. He had been hanging out with Amy while emphatically denying they were anything more than friends. Penny thought that he would eventually admit that his regularly-scheduled evenings with Amy were in fact dates, and that she actually was his girlfriend. She'd thought they were kind of cute together, even if Amy was rather creepy and off-putting. But now, Sheldon had tried to kiss her and quoted what sounded like poetry to her. Suddenly, the two of them being alone on the deck of an old-fashioned sailing ship in the moonlight seemed like a very bad idea, not to mention the stuff of many a romantic fantasy. Sure, she and Sheldon had gotten close after she broke up with Leonard, and they had fun together, and she turned down dates so she could do her laundry with him on Saturday nights, and she thought that Sheldon in a pirate costume was the sexiest thing she had ever seen...

Oh, holy crap. She had a crush on Sheldon. Well, not really a crush, but she apparently liked him more than a little in some way that had been sneaking up on her. Now she couldn't help but wonder if his behavior was just because he was tipsy, or did he actually have feelings for her too?

All this ran through her mind in the space of a few seconds as she marched toward the ladder. She looked down over the side and received a nasty shock. Looking over her shoulder towards Sheldon, who had almost caught up to her, she demanded, "What the hell happened to the boat?"

"Penny..." he began, but his tone of voice just made her angry. She didn't want him to sound hurt or confused. She'd just broken up with Leonard not that long ago, and there was no way she wanted to be messing around with Sheldon. Dammit, why couldn't he just go back to being her robotic, asexual friend?

"The rowboat we got here in; where is it?" she repeated, pointing over the side.

He blinked at her, and then stared over the side. Then he scanned the water and after a few moments, pointed. "It's over there."

Penny squinted, and she could just barely make out the lighter blue of the rowboat where it had drifted up against the opposite bank. "I thought you tied it up or something," she moaned.

Sheldon seemed to think about this for a moment before he shrugged. "I was distracted," he said sheepishly.

Penny abruptly remembered how he had helped her up the ladder. Her jaw dropped, and she closed it with a snap when she realized that she was standing there gaping at him like an idiot. _Fine, then, let's have it out_, she thought.

"Why are you acting this way?" she fumed. "Your timing sucks. I just broke your roommate's heart, you're spending way too much time with Amy, and to top it off, you're hitting on me because you're drunk. I thought we were friends. I thought..." she trailed off, not sure how to put what she was feeling into words.

He blinked owlishly at her for a moment, considering her words. "I may be a little drunk," he admitted. "But I thought my timing was propit— propishous— I thought it was the right time. You broke up with Leonard, and now he's moved on. Amy keeps pressuring me for some kind of emotional commitment that I don't want. I've told her over and over that I only want to be friends, and that's because I wanted someone else. I wanted you."

Penny was shaking her head. "You think I'm stupid. I don't even have an associate's degree, and you're on track to win a Nobel Prize someday. Plus, I've slept with way too many guys, and I'm pretty sure you're still a virgin. I'm not good enough for you, Sheldon, and we both know it."

Sheldon swallowed hard as he tried to explain what he had discovered. "There are three women in my life that I love: my mother, Missy and Meemaw. None of them have a college degree. The time I've spent with Amy has only shown me that looking for a mate based on intellectual capability is foolish. You are the one who cares for me, who goes out of your way to help me, who defends me. You are my star because I look to you to guide me and give my life the direction that it lacked. Penny, will you at least consider the idea of going on a date with me?" he asked humbly.

It was the way he said the words as much as what he said that convinced her, the way he held his hand out to her pleadingly instead of arrogantly. She took a step closer, then another.

"This could be our first date," she said in a hushed voice, as she intertwined her fingers with his. He brushed a stray curl from her cheek, and she lifted her face expectantly with the moonlight making her eyes shine like stars. He kissed her, softly and hesitantly, and she came into his arms as natural as breathing. How long they stood together like that, neither of them knew. Eventually, Sheldon spread his coat out on the deck and they curled up together on it, propped up against the gunwale.

She couldn't stop touching him. It wasn't in an overtly sexual way, but rather to reassure herself that this was real, that it was really Sheldon who looked at her like she was the answer to the world's greatest question. She was glad he wasn't like other men, or else she would have given in to him, made love to him on the deck of a fake pirate ship where anyone who had the right vantage point might have seen.

He couldn't stop touching her. The way she had surrendered to him had brought out a fierce possessiveness in him, yet at the same time, he would have done anything she asked. He was glad that for once, Penny kept her "big ol' five" tendencies in check, because he was sure that rushing into physical intimacy was a mistake she made all too often in the past. If she had asked it of him, though, he wouldn't have been able to deny her. Love requited had turned him into a completely different man.

The first golden rays of the morning sun illuminated the sleeping couple. Sheldon stirred drowsily, and then his eyes opened wide, taking in the sunrise, the boat, and the beautiful woman cradled in his arms. At his movement, Penny woke up, wondering what she was sleeping on that was both warm and hard until she realized she had fallen asleep with her head pillowed on Sheldon's chest. She sat up, and as she looked at him, Sheldon could see the doubt creep into her eyes and the wall begin to go up as she interpreted the events of last night in the harsher reality of day.

He wasn't having any of that. He leaned down and kissed her until she melted against him, until he was drowning in desire and a moan welled up from her throat.

He pulled back finally, unsure if that was what he really wanted to do, feeling everything in him drift and resettle around the inexorable pull of the light in her eyes.

"Good morning, my star," he whispered.

Now that the shadows of doubt had fled, her smile rivaled the sun in its brightness. "Good morning, my love," she answered.

A/N: Sheldon's quote and the title of this story are from the wonderful poem "Sea Fever" by John Masefield. I highly recommend that you look it up if you've never read it. Also, I make no apologies for the unexpected sappiness at the end of this story. That's just the way it wanted to go.


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